Lesbian Drama

The Beginning, The Middle, and the Ending…

     How many of us know the feeling, have been through the drama, and lived the life of a lesbian?  The answer is... A LOT of us.

     I have done a ton of research on lesbian relationships, the good, the bad, and the opposing forces that tend to always lead these relationships in the same direction, to doom.  Statistically, same-sex relationships seem to be much more complicating and "fairytale like" all in one.

Let's start out in the beginning of the relationship.....

     
     You meet this person that makes your heart pound, your cheeks flush, and your eyes bat.  Something about them makes you constantly think of them, imagine your life with them, and begin to not imagine your life without them in it.
     Soon after the initial meeting, the flirting and the exchanging of numbers, comes the endless texts.  Yes, now days, that is the main form of communicating because, not only can we say things that we couldn't normally say to their face out of fear of what they might say and of course, because it is an easy way of bypassing our shyness, but we can text till our thumbs go numb and get to know that person fast, quick, and in a hurry.

Does this all sound familiar yet?  Well, let's continue....

     After the texting, or should I say during the texting, it gets a little heated.  You start discussing the things you have done, how far you have gone, what you like, etc.  Then comes time for the dates, the sleepless nights of hours and hours of talking and sex, sex, sex, and going to work with your eyes half open the next day and not being able to concentrate on anything but her.  All of a sudden, here comes the Uhaul.  Yes, I said it.  We all heard the saying "a lesbian's second date is renting a Uhaul."  This holds true with so many of us.  The feelings are so deep, the butterflies are continuous, and that wretched feeling of not being together overwhelms you both so much that there is a mutual conclusion that moving in together is what is best for you to continue to grow and be together.

     How many of you are re-living your past and current relationships?  This is the most common growth of a lesbian relationship and, as we all know, the most common mistake.  Moving too fast can obviously have its downside, but in the beginning it always seems like you made the right decision.

     Before you know it, you are learning more and more about your partner than you anticipated.  The way they live, do things, handle things, clean, eat, cook, fart, poop, snore, and even their bathing schedules.  Things are not so bad because you "feel" like you love this person so much already and the stupid little things are not big enough for you to knock down and take a second glance.  This is, until, you recognize these patterns for months and they begin to trouble you.  Why?  The simplest answer to this question is that things are probably changing because of the comfort level being too high.

If you do not understand what I mean, let me elaborate...

 
      When you first started coming over, or even when they started coming over, because we all know that we are guilty of the "comfort syndrome," the house was always cleaned and smelt good, they/you always made dinner, turned on the faucet in the bathroom when going poop, yes I said poop :), showered everyday and maybe even twice a day, you/her were polite, considerate, and always took that extra step to make each other smile, and of course the sex was amazing, spontaneous, long, and intense.  I think you get the point.

     Things were much different then than they became later.  You/her notice the slobbery, laziness, lack of effort to go out of your/her way to make the other smile, the dinners become a quick trip to Mickey's, sometimes weight becomes an issue, showers go for a day or two, and hence the lack of showers, the sex slows down or in many cases the "lesbian bed death" surfaces.  This has a lot to do with one or the other or both becoming too comfortable in the relationship that you/her feel like you don't need to "front" anymore and be someone they/you want them/you to be and the efforts slip.

     Are we all still here?  Still watching your life in your being painted into a beautiful, yet not so beautiful picture?  Are you thinking to yourself that this is how your relationship started and also how, in some cases, it began to diminish?  Well, then you know it does not end there....

     Of course, the "I love yous" already came out in week 3, the marriage has already been bound without the legalities of it, and the future is all you can think about.

     Fighting between two women is inevitable, especially if ALL of your time is spent together.  Lesbians have this weird code that being together will bring you closer, but in reality, with no air or room to breath can cause bigger problems than you would have ever imagined with someone that you feel like you could never live without.

     All of a sudden, one day you decide you want  to go and hang out with your friends, and we all know that lesbians like to keep their exes as friends, and the reason  I found for this is because we, as women, are naturally attracted to other women, not in a "gay" way, but in a friendship form.  When we have an ex, we usually remember that the friendship was there, just the relationship wasn't.  So, the answer is to keep the friendship and let go of the relationship.  Makes sense, right?  Well, it can cause major issues which I think you are prepared to agree with.

     So, you go out with your friends... Innocent fun, drinking, drama, etc.  You decide to be there for your friend because they are going through a rough time with something.  She immediately takes notice of your concern. Sticks by your side making it known that you are hers, offers her advice, and continues on having a good night.  Bar closes, which usually we can close it down, you get a cab and you go home.  All of a sudden, out of nowhere, you are slammed with accusations of still being in love with your ex because of your genuine concern for their feelings.

     Now, on top of the slipping of the "front" from the beginning, you are faced with something that is said about you that is not true and have to defend yourself in order to preserve her feelings and to also protect yourself from being pinned something/someone you are not.  The argument can last for minutes or hours and in some cases it will last for days because her mind won't shut it out because she put the thought there, and now it is there to stay.  We all know that if it gets thrown in our face once, it will always get thrown in our face forever.

     Money... oh money!  Is she the breadwinner or are you?  Either way, no matter what, someone is worse and puts in less than the other.  One pays more bills, one buys more, one carries the load more than the other does.  Duh, unless you have the exact same job with the exact same debt and the exact same hours and paycheck, chances are that one of you are going to be better off than the other.  The only problem here is that, if she is the one feeling like she takes on more than you, then you are less of a person than she wanted to ever be with and this is not something she signed up for, or vice verse.
 
     We have all been there and know exactly what I am talking about, whether you were on the kicking or receiving end.  Quite honestly, unless if you have a love so strong and unconditional, the only time either of you looks down on the other is to help each other up, you will never make it through the money trials.  Money, truly, is the root of all evil and if you don't believe me, try having horrible luck with jobs, her paying well over her half, and see how long it takes before she freaks out and starts making you feel like you are lesser of a person than she is.

     The reason I touched up on money and accusations is because lesbian drama in relationships is almost always because of one or the other or both.  You will never find an unstable lesbian couple that says their relationship dwindled because there was too much money or too much trust.

I have theories and steps that one can take to "dodge the bullet" that causes lesbian love to die.  

1.  If she makes more money than you and pays more than you, then do more for her.  This means making dinner, rubbing her feet, massaging her neck and back, etc.  Go out of your way to show that you appreciate what she does that you can't at the moment, and let her know that you want it to change and will change.

2.  If you are being accused of something, let her read the phone when she wants to, look at your FB page and inbox, and find everything you can to prove her wrong.  The burden of proof stands true for those that are accusing because it makes them look bad.  The only problem you may run across is her not allowing you to show her the proof, or pretend it is not important anymore so she can rub it in your face again, another time, when your proof is long gone and forgotten about.  Don't let her do that!!!!!  The most important thing is to redeem yourself if you are not doing what you are being accused of.

3.  There is a good chance that you are being accused because either; A: She is doing it or B: She has already had it happen to her before and you are just getting the brunt hell from because of her past relationships.  You need to TALK, not yell or argue, and reassure her that she is the only one, or whatever the accusation might be, you need to reassure, reassure, reassure.  She wants to hear that things will be okay.

4.  Don't take what you don't want.  If getting yelled at and accused and cheated on, etc., are your thing, then by all means, don't do anything.  If it is not your thing, which I have a gut feeling it isn't, then you need to stand up for yourself and be firm, but in a loving fashion.  I have never seen anyone get a positive result from bashing their lover in any type of situation.  If anything, it will always bite you in your ass down the road.  Just be adult, honest, and caring about their feelings.

5.  This is my final advice to those of you that are in a relationship that needs help and you might not know what to do anymore.  We sometimes feel like the "broken record" of all relationships gone wrong.  Things seem to happen in such a predictable fashion, that it becomes a part of your relationship rather than a bump in the road.  You NEED to change this.  If working things out together does not work, and in a lot of cases it won't, then you need to make the step of seeking out someone that can give you input on how to change.  If this is the person you truly want to be with, then this should not be a problem for you.  Pride has no defense when it comes to fixing a problem.  So, tuck the tail and walk the trail so you can get to where you need to be.
 
    If none of the suggestions I have provided you with work, then you need to find better ways.  Try and try until you simply can not try anymore.  You need to know your limits and when to let go.  Sometimes good things do come to an end and you need to remember that life has no boundaries.  Therefore, there are many other good things life has to offer, so don't stick with something that does not fit in your life and find something that does. :)

     I would love to hear of anyone's problems you are having and wish to seek advice.  I have been through it all, the trials, what works, what doesn't and how to approach many different obstacles.  Please leave a comment below and I hope I can help you.  On my next blog, if you so choose to follow me, I will be talking about my own personal relationship.  More like a diary of my days, but with a lengthy beginning so no one misses anything.  Have a blessed day and good luck to all of you that are having any issues of your own.  I am here, so utilize the comment box and receive my "expert" advice. :)  Cheers!